I am here to deliver thy body to thy maker...(idk)
The song is... unsual.
It seemed to have a story, but it was hard to see.
I think it may have layed in the volume levels. The main lead was a bit too loud and made everything seem out of the picture. I wished the orchestral hits were a bit more pronounced. It was also a bit repetitve even though you made a lot of instrument changes. Try to make melodies in the same key that still work with the main tune. The main tune though sounded as if it might have worked better as a secondary.
As this is your first song, I congratulate you as even though I just gave a bunch of reasons that it could be better, I still enjoyed the song.